Twist your ankle

I can twist my ankle, to the left and to the right, then back into its normal position and carry on with my day.

But there is an injury known as twisted ankle.. is there a specific degree of turning required to achieve a twisted ankle? how far to i have to twist to be able to call it a twisted ankle? if i twist it too far then is it a permanently twisted ankle? what if i go all the way around 360degrees, perhaps snapping my bone in the process , is that now a broken leg or a twisted ankle with added extras?

Baldness, The Next Evolution?

People have often pondered why they go bald, some accept it, others try to hide it as they feel shame.

Well feel shame no more, as baldness is simply an indication that you are the next step in the evolutionary chain. When we were all monkeys, we were covered head to foot in hair. Over many mutations, we have evolved into a relatively hairless creature as we started to kill animals and wear their skins instead.

I mean what is the point of hair on the top of your head anyways? what is it for? there is no need for it at all. Nothing that a simple hat could not do.. Essentially its just extra weight and an aerodynamic disadvantage. This means bald people have several advantages over those with big hairy mop top. Eventually I predict people with hair will die out and we will only be left with bald people.

Bald people are awesome. They are the future.. They are our next evolutionary step.

Why The Elderly Arise So Early

I'm sure you have all noticed that old people seem to get up really early even despite the fact they have retired.. You'd imagine after working for soooo long that you'd enjoy lie ins during your retirement. But Old People are always up really early going to get the papers, or heading to the shops or a day trip on the coach to a rundown beach town to play some bingo.

So what is the real reason they get up so early for?

The answer is because they are alive. At that age they must be terrified going to bed every night thinking that they might die in their sleep. So when an old person wakes in the morning, they are just happy to be alive that they jump up with joy and try to make the most of their day. At least they can be certain they will live for one more day..

Friends Wanted.. Apply Within

I write this with the worst hangover in living history, so bare with me if this is more poorly written than usual.

Having a convo with a good friend, I was discussing my current friends and how useless most are not being able to drive as I need a lift to Maccys.. (hangover munch)

This got us to the point of thinking of getting rid and getting loads of new friends, but I said it would be too much effort so i'll stick with what I have (Me friends arent that bad really)

But how do you go about getting new friends?

Wouldnt be great if you could just advertise for friends, get lots to apply and then interview them all. That way you could pick your'e friends that best suit your needs. It would save effort in having to meet new people, and you would instantly know whether they would be a good friend or not..

Veggie Tree Hugging Hippys

OK so if you are a vegetarian, you can't eat meat.. if you're a vegan then you cant eat meat or dairy etc.. So basically when it comes to food you only have the choice of plants.

Now I hate to generalise, but lets assume most veggies love the planet and so dont want us burning fossil fuels and to not cut down rainforests and to recycle more.

If you don't want rainforests to be cut down to make paper, then why is it ok to brutally murder and destroy plants for eating?

essentially if you believe its wrong to harm animals for food, then its just as wrong to take plants and murder them also..

So if you are a veggie tree hugger, all you can eat is basically whatever your own body produces, because anything else is causing harm to someone or something.

Baby On Board

You know those 'baby on board' signs you see in most parents cars? What are they actually for?

My mate said it was so we drive carefully and don't crash into them killing their delicate child. What?

If i'm driving I do not intend to crash into anyone, whether a child is on board or not. So the sign is pointless, all it means is I know I will kill a child if I do end up crashing into the car infront.

Plus if I do crash (which never happens since im male), it will only probably because I've had to get nice and close to the car in front so I can read what the stupid little sign says.

3 S's

I'll not tell you where this morning, but you can probably guess, I had an intreaguing idea. In the morning I have to waste time taking a Shit a Shower and a Shave, or the 3 S's as its more commonly known.

These daily morning rituals take up some time, time of which I could still be in bed sleeping. So if I can find a way to speed up the process to give me more valuable minutes in bed. Now of course I don't mean to speed up my morning dump by taking laxitives so everything exits quicker. I mean to still take the same amount of time of each activity, but in a shorter space of time.

This is where I have invented (In My head) the all in one MultiToiletShower. Within a normal looking shower cubicle there will be a throne in the centre, allowing the user to take a dump whilst having a shower. An anti-mist mirror will be placed in front of the toilet so that the user can also shave whilst being showered and taking a shit. A 3 in 1 time saving piece of genius.

Of course I need to build and test out such a clearly brilliant idea, so if anyone wants to fund the project then let me know.

The Family Guy Aproximation

Well not so much a paradox but more an intuitive way of gauging how old you are.

I remember when Family Guy first was released. It was one of those things that only a few of us had heard of as it was only in America at the time. I remember being in my late teens and it being amazingly funny. Me and mates will sit there enjoying it for hour after hour whether it was at school on a laptop or sat round a mates having a house party that just ended up with everyone drunk watching family guy.

Now that im in my almost mid twenties I realise I hate family guy. I no longer find it funny and find myself getting angry anytime I do watch it because I am wise to the many many flaws of this show.

So I wondered why I would hate something so much, even though I used to love it. And the answer is pretty straightforward.

When you're young and not quite as mature, the toilet humour and slapstick style comedy are the best. But as you get older you realise it for what it is and become bored of it. You crave something with more substance and to an extent you crave humour to have intelligence.

Im not saying you get smarter as you get older, but you certainly get wise enough to realise Family Guy is actually shit. So the more shit you think family guy is, the older and maturer you are