Zombies

Hey Im Back... not wrote in a while, but lets get back into it

Now im not saying being a Nazi was cool, but sometimes i do wish i was one... and i dont mean so i was back in the second world war, but just incase i died during a zombiepocalypse...

noone wants to be a zombie, id rather survive... but if it was inevitable that i was going to be a zombie, then id want to be a cool scary evil looking zombie... after much thought, i figured a nazi zombie would probably be the scariest...

of course id hope i could just get bitten so i had time to leg it to a fancy dress shop to get a nazi outfit before i died and turn into a zombie.. but you dont get that choice, and thats a shame.. i wonder if thats really why people dress like goths, not because they want to be a goth, but simply that their reanimated corpse would be a scary goth zombie..

Waterslide Birth

I have come up with a great way for a baby to be born, this is probably more fun for the baby than anyone else, but i still think it would be cool..

Basically make a miniture waterslide thats big enough for a new born baby. Attach one end to where the baby is gonna exit its mother, then have the usual twists and turns a slide would, and then at the end a big pool for it to splash land in.

The father of the child can be waiting in the pool and collect the child once its come all teh way down the slide. Not only is this fun for the baby, but will also give it a good clean so it doesnt look all disgusting..

Last Place you Look

well for those that dont know i have recently moved, thus prob the lack of blogs.... anyways, despite being moved in, i have still lots of boxes full of my crap... one such item is a set of tickets for an ian brown gig...These hung on a noticeboard orginaly at my old house, where i removed them upon packing for my new place..

Today i hung up the noticeboard and thought to pin them back on...but they werent in the box i thought they were... so after being bemused i proceeded to search through every other unpacked box... when this failed i went back through each box being totally thorough in my search.. when this failed i got my mum to search through the rubbish bag i last used when moving.. this still yielded no results and i then gave up..

few hours later i go to the first box i searched because id seen something else in there earlier to use, when i opened the box that contained it, i found my tickets... thus proving the theory its in the last place you look...

or if i wasnt such an idiot, i wouldve checked that box the first time i was checking the box that contained it

or in reality what i should have done was never unpin it from the board in the first place... a board is so much easier to find...

Dirty Cunny

So I may have invented a cocktail of sorts which Ive called a Dirty Cunny...

Tall Glass, 2 or 3 shots of Jagermeister, then squeeze 4 to 6 shots of fresh lime juice into the glass, top up with coke and chuck in some ice.. Done

Why The Head God?

Have you ever wondered why we go bald on our heads? Well I'm sure many bald scientists around the world right now are contemplating this very question, looking for ways to bring back hair that has long since gone...

But do you ever wonder why god or whoever was so cruel to make men bald on their heads?

Lets face it, I have hair growing all over, but the main areas for male hair is usually the head, face and testicles... so why of all the places pick the most visible?

Ok so full head of hair and bald in the face? Its probably what most bald men would prefer, but to me I would feel less of a man if I could not grow facial hair.

So the pubes... One of natures mischievious pranks... scratchy wiry hair in a place thats both uncomfortable and not required. So of all places to go bald, this would seem ideal. There would be no more trimming required, simply enjoy waking up everymorning to a smooth groinal region.. So lets hope we evolve soon to go bald in our pants, not on our heads

seaguls

Going back to my duck feeding on bread theory... why do seaguls love chips so much? whether its from the chippy or maccys, they just love them..

but why?

its not like before fast food seaguls would grow some spuds, dig them up, wash them, chop them, season them, fry them, then eat them... so why do they like chips? is it just natural to want chips when you eat fish?

I shall investigate this more... probably.... i doubt it

Another FB Rant

Im sorry, but I had to just share this one.. ill keep it short since I spend way too much time slating FB (Facebook to those who have been stuck in a cave with their thumbs up their ass for the past few years)

anyways, as well all know I hate it when people invite me to become a fan of something or to join a group that theyve created. Now on occasion, granted, there may be a group that is worth joining, either to keep up to date with latest festival news or of a certain occasion you may be attending.

But what has annoyed me today? Well its an invite to a group, and the group is getting people together for the guinness world record attempt at dog walking..

So why so angry? well its simple.. I DONT HAVE A FUCKING DOG! and the person who invited me knows that I dont have a Dog.. So why have they invited me to an event where I need a dog and they know I Dont have one.. FUCKING IDIOTS..